Just when I thought I was completely in the clear with grades to be able to graduate this summer, they throw me a curve ball. Why does my portfolio have to be out 200 points when nothing else in the class was more than 50?! And to make it worse, it’s being graded by people from an actual advertising agency out of Chicago…. so much for sleeping ever until this grade comes in. 

drinking > over thinking is always the intent, more often than not it’s actually drinking —-> over thinking 300x more…. really need to fix my strategy… hmmmm

I hate that even with how loud my neighbors are, it’s the deafening silence of being lonely all the time that keeps me up most of the night. 

Wonderful night at work started with my boss pulling me aside to talk … he basically told me that he has had numerous complaints from both other managers and other employees that I’m too hard to work with/around. Basically, I’m not in a good mood enough and no one wants to be around me or work with me and because of this, not only are my co-workers unhappy when I’m there, but customers most likely are too. He told I need to not just “worry” about myself, but take care of the store because everyone has issues in their lives, and mine are no more important. Essentially, I’m an awful co-worker and probably person altogether. To make it worse, the whole time he was telling me all of this his main point was that I need to stop being in shitty moods when I come into work and/or am working and the whole time I wanted to breakdown because I never thought I was that difficult to be around and I had to keep a happy face on because clearly not being able to is my problem to begin with. I know I have shit days, but I come in vent to my “friends” just like anyone and everyone else does and then try to work and not think about things. I never try to take shit out on anyone ever, most of the time I try to joke around and pretend nothing is wrong, but clearly I’m failing on all counts. Then to top it off, he decided to start listing people who have complained about me… he got through 6 before realizing he probably shouldn’t namedrop and then the rest of my night was super awkward because I worked with majority of those listed and had to put on a fake smile and pretend I knew nothing. So here’s to getting so shitfaced tonight that I forget this convo ever happened and/or going into a coma to appease everyone. 

alcohol and candy is not the greatest of dinner combinations.

sprite is not a very good mixer.

i need to get a better mixer. 

the cat is not a fun “person” to hang out with. 

the tv show friends is better than real ones. 

making plans is stupid and only leads to disappointment. 

caring is one of the worst emotions. 

our species evolved wrong, caring should not exist. 

in the end, no one really gives a fuck at all. 

i should probably try and sleep soon.

sleep is overrated.

i can sleep when i’m dead. 

this alcohol is not strong enough. 

walmart in town should be open 24 hours. 

rocky’s should be open zero hours. 

adobe has the worst customer service ever.

people in customer service should at least know how to spell their own foreign name.

i need to speak german more.

a lot of people do not understand german.

i could tell off a lot of people.

this cat is the laziest fuck ever.  

penguins are the best animals. 

i want to go to the zoo.

i also want to rob said zoo. 

i need to find some friends to come with. 

people are too busy. 

people fucking suck. 

Slept through my alarm and subsequently my advising meeting this morning. My throat feels like someone took a wire brush to the back of it. Everyone is too busy to hang out tonight, tomorrow, or saturday morning. I have no money to venture out and attempt to be social, even with my paycheck tomorrow. I still have zero idea how to fix my campaign and today’s class is the last work day before it is due. Also missed the deadline to hand in my previous project though it’s been done for like two weeks, I just forgot about it. Job and apartment hunting is a joke, even if I find a job and a decent affordable apartment, I have no money saved to make first months rent and or a security deposit and it is doubtful that I will within any of the rest of my paychecks through the rest of the semester as I get paid shit and have too many bills and things to pay off. Even if moving home is an option, there are zero jobs there and it would be a long commute to get to one and living with my mother sounds ten times more painful than being lonely as fuck everyday, which I’m currently surviving, not very well but still… None of the food in my house looks remotely appetizing but I’m fucking starving. I’ve learned the cat is not a very good roommate, even he doesn’t want to hang out and when he does it’s when I need to get shit done and he decides to lay on me and be cute. Basically everything feels like one giant mess and I’m proving that I’m not very good at going in alone to fix it. 

Nothing like a lovely convo with the mother to make you feel like the biggest piece of shit ever.

I came to a sad realization tonight that I watch fictional Friends on TV more than I hang out with real ones… Ugly baby judges me. And I judge myself…

I should really be working on my campaign concepts for Advanced Creative that are due tomorrow because I have nothing, buuut my head huwrts, I’m kinda sleepy, and watching King of Queens with the kitty sounds like a far better option.